Legacy costs a bit more than I want to pay

Hi Good People 🙂
Good Morning. Hope you are great today. 
A quick note: I’m just arriving to Baltimore to say thank you and goodbye to my grandfather. I suspect the days and years ahead will be harder than I desire. I’m encouraged and equipped for the future, so that’s good and I’m grateful…but I’m not looking forward to my life without him. Earlier on I did not know this was a possibility. Had I known I might have lived life differently. I probably wouldn’t have climbed so high and stood so far up on his shoulders—as the distance today between myself and the ground wouldn’t be so vast. Had I known someday he might not be here I probably wouldn’t have accepted so much of his help, that way I could have progressed much slower and not very far instead of receiving his help and going much further faster than I even knew possible. I probably would have said no to his request that I help facilitate his new members class at church and so not realized my strength and passion in teaching and other ministry…I might could have avoid being a preacher, and pastor and brother today. I probably would have said no to him moving me in to UMBC, no to the long, back and forth rides to the Park School, no to gardening, no to trips to saxophone lessons, no to baseball practice, no to allergy shots for years, no to building things on his workbench, no to asking Mr Russell whether he might hold his Corvette for me until I saved enough money, no to committing myself to love my wife and do right by her, no to allowing him to travel to CT when I got my first place on my own, again when I preached my first sermon, again when I bought my first house, again for my wedding that we planned with a week’s notice, again when I defended my Yale thesis, and again when Hannah had her first birthday, and again when I began pastoring my own church which I love. I would have said no to him teaching me how to fix or replace a toilet, repair a faucet, cut grass, obey my mother, honor my father, love my sister or otherwise how to be a young man and man of character. I might have said no to being called “college knowledge”, then “the Graduate”, then “Hey Doc”, and “preacher”, and “…you know he’s pastoring now?” and most simply “OrLando”. Above all I would have asked him not to hoist me onto his shoulders when at 6 years old I walked down the aisle to Bishop Brown to accept Christ. I would have asked him not shout “This is my grandson. This is my grandson.” I would have asked him not to be the deacon around when I was baptized. I would have said no to me helping him with Vacation Bible School and doing the puppet. I would have said no, but I didn’t know…I just didn’t know.